As of late Brian Williams has been much maligned for misrepresenting and misremembering the news. Well the first thing any dyed in the wool Journal reader knows is that main stream media plays the fiddle of the Hidden Agenda and has for eons. These "news" reporters so called merely tell fables as tall as those of Uncle Remus, who unforunately is part of the maligned Disney movie "The Song of the South". Even though Disney won't rerelease their movie, you can release yourself from the big wig lies perpetrated on Capitol Hell by the Congress of Crooks that control the wild inner workings of the Hidden Agenda. The Journal has for close to two centuries prided itself in providing only Truth printed on gleaming platinum lined pages and spread all over the globe from the beacon of Truth that is our red brick building standing triumphantly at the corners of Winchester & 3rd.
I looked around my plush office filled with such important treasures as a prototype of the Lombardi Trophy and the Marilyn Monroe and JFK sex film. I did not however have the clues as to why Brian Williams would tell such tall tales. After all unless he was on hallucinogens and believed he was Uncle Remus, which was a distinct possibility as it is known that the NBC is owned by the Queen and follows her drug trafficking orders, the answer must lie somewhere and I had an idea where to start digging.
I phoned our own Journalistic Juggernaut John Agar and asked him if he'd allow me to borrow Melissa for a few days as well as his rickshaw. He agreed. By the time I got to his modest studio apartment he already has Melissa all ready to pull me all the way to Nebraska in pure luxury. Along the palatial plains and highways of dreams Melissa would frequently tire and I had to whip her with a whip John so kindly provided. We frequently stopped at truck stops where I priced CB radio equipment and purchased Figure Skating magazines for an upcoming story by George Schmidt that will resoundingly prove all male figure skaters are in fact heterosexual.
It was a bit more than 12 shakes of a lamb's tale due to Melissa's slacking, but we eventually arrived at Helga's farmhouse in Nebraska. She greeted me warmly as I have not been out to visit in several months due to my recent trip to Borneo. She had freshly baked fig cookies and some chicory waiting for me. She said she had recently purchased several boxes of documents from a Sears Auto Center that was closing but apparently the wrong documents had been shipped in from another store that had closed and said I was welcome to sift through them. I was happy as Frank Jespin in a room full of boys, and sipped my Chicory while leafing through the files which were in fact medical records of many celebrities that were affiliated with NBC or on NBC within the last three decades. Much of it was meaningless, but I did in fact learn a few important things such as the fact that Ronald Reagan had in fact died after being hit by the asteroid and was replaced by a stand in. Most importantly I learned that Brian Williams had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease in 1996 and had been receiving experimental monkey hormones and electroshock therapy in efforts to ward off the disease. Obviously it didn't work. That was pretty obvious. I offered to buy the box of medical records from Helga for $12 and she agreed. I thanked her for the chicory and was on my way.
The trip back was long, the added weight of the documents didn't help Melissa's pulling ability. She was whipped pretty raw by the time I returned her and the rickshaw to John. I returned to my office where I penned this article. I leafed through the other medical files but was pretty exhausted so I boxed them up and decided to use them as a printer stand.