National Journal of Truth (journaloftruth) wrote,
National Journal of Truth

Aaron Rodgers Sold Soul to Devil, Hail Marys were really Hail Satans

By George Schmidt

Last night I sat down to watch the sport played using an oblong ball made from skins of pigs on a satanic television network in John Agar's modest studio apartment on his vintage Sony Trinitron TV which he polished some of his cars for his next mission. I elected to eat picked pigs feet so the rest of the animal would not go to waste after making the ball. I also downed countless bottles of Genny Cream Ale Original Classic since many commercials during this sport of "football" often show people sitting around and drinking beer.

All the carbonation from the beer was making me belch over and over again, at some point I realized that Aaron Rogers looked almost possessed. By the 4th quarter the pigs feet were stomping around in my gut and I had to take a massive dump. I then vomited all over from all the beer. I returned to see the end of regulation and see Aaron Rogers heave a Hail Mary into the end zone and it was caught for a "touchdown". Putting 2 and 2 together I realized that the reason Aaron Rogers looked possessed is because he sold his soul to the Devil. No one completes two passes like that in a season unless they sell their soul. I immediately turned the Sony off, bid John a fond goodbye and returned to my own humble abode. Oh and from now on anytime Aaron Rodgers throws a long pass like that it's a Hail Satan.

George Schmidt out.
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